It's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things that can lift the spirit. It can be a simple thing like a budding flower or a few words that come after the deafening silence.

Yesterday I was standing on the beach it was gray and wet from the rain yet behind me was a child finding the joy of a puddle. Oh for things to be that simple.

Maybe I should find my own puddle and jump in it. Relive the pure joy that came from it.

Despite the gray and the wet there was a serenity. The beach was mostly empty except for the few that braved the path behind me. It was serene.

I stood in silence; my mind in its own world reliving memories as I wiped my face now and then. Being at the beach-- the wind, the sound, the water is my therapy.

This morning my therapy were a few words I read. Simple words but words nonetheless.

They were my new hope.

Sadness

How does one combat sadness? Overwhelming sadness that consumes the soul.

Sadness that tames sanity and strips happiness from your core.

Sadness can lead to depression; depression to sadness. At times these are the same and to distinguish between either is nearly impossible.

It's times like this you want to tell the world to fuck off and yet you want nothing more to be held close.

Sleep becomes illusive or at least broken by the screaming in your mind and the sickness in your heart. Normalcy becomes an unknown being.

Why I feel this way is not relevant; I bear the blame is all that matters. Details will not be offered even if asked.

Bearing the blame is a heavy burden for one to accept but I wholly do. I must accept the burden but I am not one who can easily turn off my emotions.

They torment my soul.

They overwhelm me to self loathing.

Have no fear; this is not a threat ending my days here.

This is just my rambling trying to; if only for a brief moment  give my mind reprieve.

Trying to get at least a little bit of the pressure out. I know it won't fix my sadness or lift the depression enclosing over me. Those will take time and slow steps.

I can only pray the light will overtake darkness and with each step forward I can find my peace and forgiveness.