It's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things that can lift the spirit. It can be a simple thing like a budding flower or a few words that come after the deafening silence.

Yesterday I was standing on the beach it was gray and wet from the rain yet behind me was a child finding the joy of a puddle. Oh for things to be that simple.

Maybe I should find my own puddle and jump in it. Relive the pure joy that came from it.

Despite the gray and the wet there was a serenity. The beach was mostly empty except for the few that braved the path behind me. It was serene.

I stood in silence; my mind in its own world reliving memories as I wiped my face now and then. Being at the beach-- the wind, the sound, the water is my therapy.

This morning my therapy were a few words I read. Simple words but words nonetheless.

They were my new hope.

Sadness

How does one combat sadness? Overwhelming sadness that consumes the soul.

Sadness that tames sanity and strips happiness from your core.

Sadness can lead to depression; depression to sadness. At times these are the same and to distinguish between either is nearly impossible.

It's times like this you want to tell the world to fuck off and yet you want nothing more to be held close.

Sleep becomes illusive or at least broken by the screaming in your mind and the sickness in your heart. Normalcy becomes an unknown being.

Why I feel this way is not relevant; I bear the blame is all that matters. Details will not be offered even if asked.

Bearing the blame is a heavy burden for one to accept but I wholly do. I must accept the burden but I am not one who can easily turn off my emotions.

They torment my soul.

They overwhelm me to self loathing.

Have no fear; this is not a threat ending my days here.

This is just my rambling trying to; if only for a brief moment  give my mind reprieve.

Trying to get at least a little bit of the pressure out. I know it won't fix my sadness or lift the depression enclosing over me. Those will take time and slow steps.

I can only pray the light will overtake darkness and with each step forward I can find my peace and forgiveness.

Yes this is a First World problem if I ever saw one and yet it's my dilemma of the day... I know this may vary by person so really there's nothing scientific about it...

We're off to WDW for 10 nights later this year... Two adults only so I booked studios for the stay. We're at Bay Lake for 5 nights... I originally had a standard room but I changed it to a lake view at my husband's request so we'll get to try something fancy-schmancy and new in terms of view [Dear room assortment peeps give us something on a high floor making the points worth it please -yes more first world issues here.].

We were also very lucky to get a boardwalk view studio at BWV for the last 5 days after being on a waitlist for only a couple of days... Me+ hubby+ coffee on the balcony looking down upon the people & lake below = priceless. Now I am contemplating wait listing for a 1 bedroom, 4 of the 5 nights are (or were) available the last time I checked so there's no guarantee we'll get the waitlist. We don't cook in the room other than toast/bagels/coffee so it's not as if I need the kitchen, I'm just contemplating that soaker tub (if you've ever done the Epcot Death March you will understand the need for such luxuries) and king bed but are those things worth the extra points and knowing I'll need to borrow a few to boot?

I guess part of me is shying away from borrowing points due to 'what if scenarios' --- what if we need a 1bedroom next year because we've decided to take my niece to WDW... [Note to self too many ellipses] what if we want to do another 10day vacation to Aulani --we'll need the points... you know those common traps: What if... what if... what if? Then another part of me says... we're going to be in our mid/late 80s when this contract ends we may as well start borrowing points now as by then will we really want to be going to WDW? So do I things as they are or borrow points to get the larger room for the last half of your WDW stay?

Anyways just mindless verbose rambling to ask a simple question--- so what would you do? And what's with this inability to make a decision based on "what ifs"?? We should live in the now and enjoy these things while we can, but I can't help but try and plan for an uncertain future. The point of this post at the core isn't the room, is it?

Where do they go from here?

So where does the Liberal party go from here? The results of the May 2011 election proved that under no uncertain terms Iggy wasn’t the best choice – perhaps if the political atmosphere were different, perhaps if the Canadian politics, specifically the Conservative fear mongering, American style political bashing; those fucking attack ads. When did we, as a democracy, fall so low as to using attack ads. Menial, inept political mongering to belittle the Canadian population. And guess what the population apparently gobbled it all up.

Where did our intelligence go? Where did we lose our way? It wasn’t all that long ago that our politicians debated on what they believed in; instead now they smear and don’t actually fight for their beliefs, those trusted individuals who represent us now win their battles by making their opponents look bad.

Who gives a fuck if Iggy taut at Harvard and worked in the UK – does that make him less Canadian than you or I? No it does not but it is what it is. Iggy is gone, he’s left with has he said, “His head held high,” and not like a whinging brat. Iggy = Fail for the Liberals; they fell and they fell hard; surely they cannot go all that much lower. Change is good, NDP pressure against the Conservatives will be a refreshing change; let’s see what they can do. I want kept promises.

So where do the Liberals go from here – a major Canadian player ((well not for the next 4 years, but historically and indeed in the future)) needs to rebuild. Three strong federal political parties would indeed make things interesting. In a couple of days’ time we’ll learn who the interim leader is; that is now. We need to look to the future.

I hear the echoes-

Trudeau.

He is young, he has charisma. His father epitomized Canadian culture, his party – he had our respect.

The name, it’s a hell of a name to bare and history is a hell of a thing to compare yourself to . If Justin Trudeau can march onto the political stage with half the charisma his father had he will go far. But is now the time? He is young, he is only entering his second term as a voted in MP. Too young to lead a party? Probably… does he have the experience needed, not likely but what did age and experience do for the last leader –not hell of a lot.

Reflections of Death and Elections

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr. ((Borrowed from my sister in-law))

There are little words that I can add to the wisdom of Dr. King -- as I reflect back to the actions over the past 24 hours, but more importantly the reactions I have been feeling and overwhelming uneasiness. To rejoice in the death of another; no matter how evil only spews more hatred. From the outside looking in how different are the cheers in New York, in Washington any different to the cheers in Baghdad, or Syria? Apples to Apples or Apples to Oranges? I'll wager it depends on what side of the fine line you stand upon. 

The slope is dangerously steep, hate grows innately; hate spreads like wildflowers. Hate; the kin to love. Hate; the Judas to Jesus. How can one grow, how can one look into the mirror and stare back straight faced at the blatant irony that what you now cheer for is what you loathed; what you mourned, what you had such blatant anger against.

Do you see the irony? You do realize you have become that in which you loathe, that in which you looked at contempt as cheers were made at the loss of life to those you consider kin.

Take a moment to think; look in your own eyes in the mirror and ask yourself am I any different? You who now cheers have now become them.

Please do not misinterpret these words to say that pure evilness did not exist, it certainly did... and please do not believe that I too did not feel 'finally'.... what I did not do was jump on a bandwagon waving flags and cheering in jubilation. Life is life and God , in whatever form you believe in, will make his final judgement and rest assured the judgement will be harsh.

... as for harsh judgement, my thoughts also sway to the Canadian Federal Election... we are fucked -- yes I said it.... fucked. A Conservative Majority, the only thing that makes me happy is the word 'Majority'-- while the resulting party was not what I had hoped for at least now we can sit knowing we will not be served yet again with the unknown of a minority. History was made, to borrow from the NHL... The Liberal Party for the first time in history is not the official governing or opposition party. The NDP has done what I did not believe I'd see occur in a Federal election.

Tomorrow the aftermath begins and we see where will be taken to. Jack be the prevalent annoying sibling, we need Harper and his near dictatorship leadership style to be kept in check. I am sorry, Mr. Harper --- even as majority leader I will not refer to my government as  The Harper Government; while you now lead the Canadian Government--- The Government of Canada, it is not yours to claim.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMBMcMf85ow